why did i spend so long existing like this? what were all those countless nights of staying up too late working, the times where i’ve shamed myself for taking a break/enjoying myself to go back to work, the times where i forgo eating in favour of working
to be..what? continually mediocre as always, some worthless speck?
why did i try so hard? i’m done trying. it’s all a joke. i’m done trying and i’m done existing in this reality